My Experiences Wrestling with God

I have had many calls on wrestling with God so I wanted to share a bit more about it. Wrestling with God isn’t an everyday event. We are invited by God to wrestle through an issue usually dealing with something or someone we are fearful of facing up to. The basic questions asked during the wrestling match are, can you be honest about who you are? Remember God asked Jacob, “What is your name?” Last time Jacob was asked who he was he told his father he was Esau. This time Jacob honestly answers God with I am Jacob (liar, deceiver.) Jacob was being honest about who he was and I believe he was also acknowledging his need for help. The other question is, are you going to trust Me that I know best and that I will see you all the way through to the good?
From my own experiences of wrestling with God two are coming to mind. The first was when I was faced with the fear of losing the man I loved. I remember being asked by a friend of mine, “Do you really trust God knows best?” That was a questions I had to ask myself. Down on my knees I went or in this case, to the mat I went. I poured out my fears to God. I kept praying through the question did I trust God? I finally got to the point where I surrendered my will to His perfect will no matter what they may be. I gave Him complete rule of who I dated, when I dated, and how I would date and especially who would be my husband. It wasn’t just words, I meant it. That is when the peace that passes all understanding literally flooded every part of me. I got up from the mat a changed woman. I walked differently after that. I never again questioned His will or distrusted Him concerning my future with dating and marriage. The greatest reward is that God blessed me with the most wonderful husband. I never dreamed I could have the marriage and love that I have.
The other experience coming to mind happened at High View, Jon’s first pastorate. It was during VBS. The other ladies were not doing as I wanted them to do concerning VBS. I had a fit and verbally was down -right mean. I left their presence but the Holy Spirit was gnawing on me like a beaver diligently dropping trees to build a dam. The Holy Spirit was determined to do His job. I knew God was telling me I had handled it wrong and I was to go confess and ask for forgiveness. It was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn’t want to face them; after all I was the pastor’s wife! As soon as VBS was over I ran to the attic of the church and sat there…He found me. I cried and screamed, “I will not do it.” Again, as clear as a voice on a radio He asked, “Don’t you trust Me?” Here we go again. Yes Lord, I do trust You. I went below and confessed my sin and asked for their forgiveness. Some did, some did not. Regardless of their response I again had a peace that was filled me with a power and a confidence. I walked away from that experience a transformed woman. I survived confessing my sins and asking for forgiveness and it felt great. I never again feared facing up to my own sins again. I know His way is the best way.
I hope this helps with your wrestling’s past and future.